THE WISDOM OF MADNESS: Inspiration For Women In Crisis By Martha Trowbridge

THE WISDOM OF MADNESS

Contrary to what many suppose, external catastrophic occurrences such as car crashes, natural disasters, or the experiencing or witnessing of violence are not the most devastating Trauma-triggers.

Indeed, the worst Trauma of all occurs when 'everyday' stressors threaten the stability of your Inner Universe.

While externally induced Trauma can and does cause 'unthinkable agony' [1] the 'collapse of the self' can occur bit by bit, from overwhelm, disappointment, loss, inadequacy, frustration, rejection, deprivation, grief, relational upsets, financial struggles, medical woes, loneliness, and / or any other stressors that undermine the fulfillment of your two core 'drives': your drive for safety and your drive for effectiveness. [2]

As threats to these two fundamental sense-states [safety and effectiveness] escalate, your entire means of managing begins to go awry. Nothing you do seems to work any more. A feeling of impending annihilation sets in, and with good reason: for your bodymind is signaling that the 'world' you have managed to construct and to live in, is collapsing into catastrophic ruins.

Traumatic Depression sets in -- an agitated, intense variety of major depression. Characterized by unrelieved torment and anguish, this kind of Trauma wields a most terrible power: the power to persuade you that you are going mad.

Several years ago, one morning, I awoke from a terrifying dream: I was in a food processor, whipping around, with the blade shredding me. In response to a cry-for-help email, my dear friend Dr. Don Nathanson, in his wisdom, wrote:

"Ah, but consider this possibility: You emerge from the processor as some kind of primordial soup, homogenized, pureed, free from any rough spots, and are poured into a new mold by the kindest model maker, the ultimate reshaper of humans, the God who reassembles all of us in each incarnation.

"The primordial soup of 46 chromosomes, the essence of Martha, the best of the best, all ready to be re-formed as your highest dreams for yourself."

As it turned out, Don's sunny prediction became a reality. With years of work and determination, I was able to triumph in my struggle with violence-induced trauma. Blessedly, I acquired the ability to access and sustain a bliss state, to live authentically, and to feel safe enough to present my creative work to the Universe.

For I've been able, as Don kindly penned that stress-filled morning five years ago, to "reformat":

"Such madness may be no more than a way to reformat the self in a way impossible otherwise."

An attempt you too are making, though you may not realize it, in your own struggle with depression and/or trauma.

When old ways and means of managing your life no longer work, new ways are called for, to re-establish and secure your sense of safety and your sense of effectiveness. A new outlook, fortified by new thinking and new acting -- all with the common purpose of soundly reconstructing your Inner Universe -- will generate wonderfully new, self-sustaining feelings! The kind of feelings that are the most powerful antidote to feelings of impending madness.

If you can reframe your onset of 'madness' as your bodymind's profound signaling that your life-situation is simply intolerable, you can use your torment as a valuable, rich means of access to the highly charged emotional information stored in your deepest caverns.

What is it that so torments me? may be your first inquiry to the 'Crazy Lady', so clearly agitated, within you.

Why? your next question.

If you can brave the uncertainty, pause, and really listen to what your Crazy Lady is saying. Magically, wonderfully, blessedly, in tones, shrieks and ravings of appropriate urgency, your Truth will emerge.

And one by one, the crazy-making stressors in your life -- relational and otherwise -- blissfully, purposively, and effectively, you can eradicate.

With this magical accompanying benefit: in so doing, you are commencing the sound and stunning reconstruction of your Inner Universe!

As you transmute impending madness into your Rebirth as The Woman You Were Born To Be, like me, you will come to know: The Crazy Lady within you is The Wisest Lady of all.

Reflection: Find a quiet place where you can be undisturbed as long as need be. Putting aside your fear, listen to what your Spirit is trying to tell you -- identifying at least one problem She insists that you address.

As You Prepare To Rebirth: With the information you acquire, above, list just what prohibits you from addressing the problem you are reluctant to address.

CREDITS / NOTES

1. "Fear Of Breakdown" [1963] in D. W. Winnicott [1989] Psycho-Analytic Explorations. Cambridge, Massachusetts: Harvard University Press. P. 90

2. Greenberg, Jay. [1991] Oedipus And Beyond. Cambridge, Massachusetts: Harvard University Press. PP. 129-137. Dr. Greenberg terms the second drive 'effectance'.