THE WISH TO GO UNNOTICED: Inspiration For Women In Crisis by Martha Trowbridge

THE WISH TO GO UNNOTICED

Those of us who suffer depression often feel the urge to hide. 'The Shabby Self' is what I call her -- the image of our self that mirrors our depletion, failures, fears, exhaustion, despair, and most importantly, our shame. How we wish to go unnoticed! To not be subjected to scrutiny. How much safer we feel, tucked in the shadows of our sufferings, awful as they may be.

What's more, in our attempts to seek comfort, often, we are further deflated, and hurt.

What prompts others to hurt depressed women? In most instances: callousness, ignorance or overwhelm.

- Callous dismissal of our sufferings occurs when people [most often unconsciously] feel terribly threatened by them -- fearing that if they 'let in' our pain, their own pain will surge, and swallow them whole.

- Those who do not comprehend our pain are truly ignorant of what we need, in our interactions with them. At one extreme, they are people with a limited range of emotional experience; and at the other, they are 'narcissistically disturbed' and incapable of empathy for others. In the middle lie those who do not wish to know what we need, for they cannot be bothered with helping others, especially helping that requires time and patience.

- Overwhelm. Many people simply cannot bear to bear the sufferings of others, even their loved ones.

Whatever the reason for the 'unavailability' of others, the more depressed we are, the more vulnerable we are to injury by their rejection or diminishing of our sufferings. Hence, our impulse to 'go unnoticed', to hide.

Going unnoticed to keep your self safe from forces that endanger your suffering Spirit -- like shaming ridicule -- manifests what I call The Sacred Pillar Of Self-Protection. It is a logical, legitimate, and Spirit-protective action on your part.

Hiding your self altogether, due to paralyzing shame, is a different sort of act. Understandably, feeling shabby, worthless, and despicable -- emotions that depression is masterful at evoking -- prompts us to withdraw.

Yet to Rebirth, we need to connect. Connect meaningfully with trustworthy others. We need to reach out, and have our faith in humankind restored. We need that special 'relational fuel' that only comes from being noticed in a positive way -- a way that affirms our very special -- and unique -- value.

For a woman's suffering Spirit, wishing to be noticed is wondrous. It is a progress-marker. A shedding of The Shabby Self. A testament to our Rebirth, our glorious Rebirth as Women We Were Born To Be.

From this moment on, take heed of your Spirit's stirrings. When need be, go unnoticed -- observing what you can, and processing. And as often as your Spirit prompts, step out into the radiant graces of trusted others. In their healing energies, revel!

Reflection: This evening, in a quiet place, think: what aspects of your sufferings do you secretly hope no one will see? Where do these sufferings originate?

As You Prepare To Rebirth: What woman in the public eye do you most admire? Why? In what ways would you love to be like her?